Suicide Prevention Day, September 10

I know I missed it, and I am sorry. Several days ago was world suicide prevention day, and I would like to write something about it.

In my whole life, I have faced 2 serious claims from friends that was thinking of ending their lives at that very moment. Somehow, during that time, they had the idea of contacting me and asking me to talk to them.

I remembered at that moment, all I could think of was, there is nothing I can do to prevent this if they really want to, and I sincerely did not think I had the right to stop them from executing their autonomy to...end their life. I took all my analytical prowess to remember what I know about their life surrounding this time period and remind myself to never reply with

1. you just gotta think more positively

2. lets go out and try to forget about it

3. .... well, I know that. I have that exact/worse problem

I remember how much I hated it when other people reply like that during my times of trouble, so I figured it could be applicable to others. So all I said was... "that's an interesting proposition. We should talk about it first, because I think that is a very important decision". Both cases I listened for hours and waited until they have said it all and asked whether they have made a decision yet. Both of them changed their minds.. Luckily. I figure if they had not, I would need to switch to full M.D mode and admit them to a psychiatric facility where I have full faith that they will be able to receive the necessary help.

I realize, each one of us have a dark place in our mind. A dark room, behind the wall that was built on bricks of stress and pressure. Beyond the umbra of despair and desperation. A place where it is so dark, nothing exist other than the realization of existence and ultimately the meaninglessness of our existence in the first place. A bottom where you realize that, whatever happen does not matter. And right under the pressure of that abyss, no pain or comfort, or sorrow or joy can make you want to continue existence.

If you tell yourself that you do not have that room, I sincerely hope you are right and pray that you do not actively rule it out of existence due to denial or social pressure that glorifies positive outlooks over conscientious vulnerability. I expose that I do have that room, and I visit it regularly. Not because I enjoy the absence of feeling and play the victim of despair, but because I want to know how I can be friends with it. As Bane would put it, I would like to be the Batman that merely embrace the darkness.

And I realize, that I have talked about things like this with most of my friends. Including those 2 friends that courageously contacted me during their times of longing. Longing for someone not to pull them out from the hole, but to be with them in the dark and show them that it is okay to be in it and that there is a way out although perhaps not through the same way that we went in. 

Now...one thing that I am not sure how to share yet, is how to exactly talk about this with the people around you. Because there is a razor thin edge to balance reaching the level of seriousness to respect the matter and the non-judgmental ease of which the conversation should flow. I do believe that the key is to be sincerely respectful and not judgmental. And it takes practice...hopefully you can start with your closest people first to feel what kind of method truly resonate with you and your ensemble of loved ones.

The world is a mess and our existence is a question mark in the middle of the essay that is the universe. Acknowledge it, and together we can continue the sentence. It doesn't have to be a period yet, we can make longer sentences together. And if not with me, do it with someone you trust.